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Re-Opening Guantanamo Bay & a Ménage à Trois with Macron: Good Touch or Bad Touch, Joe Biden?

Only an alpha male could convince two foreign partners (the UK and Australia) to get into bed with him while making the other one (France) learn about his indiscretion on the evening news. 

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Animals,  

It is that time of the week where we gather the brightest minds in all the kingdom to ask if Joe Biden’s latest moves in the White House are feeling like a good touch or a bad one.   

As you already know (unless you are an absolute bonehead), President Joe Biden is an extremely emotional guy who loves a hug, a cry, or a good old fashioned sniff of a stranger’s hair to make that human connection in Washington.  

Anyway, here’s where his hands have been this week on Capitol Hill: 

Joe Biden keeps a low profile after photos surface of Border Patrol agents on horseback whipping Haitian migrants back across the Rio Grande.   

Vice President Kamala Harris and Press Secretary Jen Psaki have been covering for El Jeffe on this one, offering various versions of the word, “horrific” to describe the manner in which Border Patrol agents actually enforce our border.   

Biden’s official response: “We’ll get it under control.” 

Let’s be honest, Animals. This is a hard one to rate.  

What is the President supposed to do?  

Congratulate the Border Patrol on its rough handling of fellow human beings? 

Or be the first POTUS in recorded history to be on the side of, “We need lax border enforcement, please just let anyone in.” 

Sometimes surviving the news cycle is all the touch you need. Good touch. 

Joe Biden re-opens Guantanamo Bay (GTMO) to house the Haitian immigrants that the Border Patrol is currently trying to turn away. 

NBC News reports that the Biden Administration is soliciting proposals from PRIVATE contractors to re-open GTMO as a migrant detention facility.  

This has to be one of the all-time greatest self-owns, even by the standards of a political party that has nominated Michael Dukakis, George McGovern, and Hillary Clinton.   

A policy decision this far removed the public statements of pretty much every relevant Democrat for 15+ years deserves a meme. 

On foreign policy, it’s been said that the difference between a Republican and a Democrat looks like this: 

On immigration policy, it seems like it pretty much just comes down to this: 

Joe Biden kisses and makes up with French President Emmanuel Macron over nuclear submarine affair with Australia… but does not apologize for coq blocking France so that we can insert our torpedoes into Australia’s down-under. 

I am not a big science guy but I have watched a serious amount of Animal Planet, so I know that the defining trait of an alpha male is that he gets to mate with whatever partner he wants, whenever he wants.  

And that is the level of dominance that Joe Biden has asserted over everyone else in this week’s nuclear submarine love quadrilateral with France, Australia, and Great Britain. 

This is a great touch for Joe Biden. Only an alpha male could convince two foreign partners (the UK and Australia) to get into bed with him while making the other one (France) learn about his indiscretion on the evening news. 

Joe Biden negs Boris Johnson bigly by snuffing out any hope that the USA will enact a free trade agreement with the UK. 

I am not entirely sure that President Biden can still remember the difference between England, Great Britain, and the United Kingdom (UK), but he definitely remembers his old boss Barack Obama’s promise that the UK will be “in the back of the queue” if its government pulled the trigger on Brexit. 

Well, now it’s the future. Brexit is complete. And Joe Biden is enforcing Obama’s red line.  

Good touch for consistency, probably a bad touch for our nation’s strategic goals. 

Joe Biden’s SEC kills Coinbase’s newest blockchain product with threats of lawsuits… and no actual legal guidance. 

Listen, it is highly likely that >99 percent of government employees don’t even know what cryptocurrencies are and are just making policy decisions about them by throwing darts at a board divided into three sections: TaxRegulate, and Shutdown

In the case of Coinbase’s newest product offering, the bureaucrats tossing policy darts on the White House lawn clearly landed on “shut down.” 

Uhhh… rule of law much? 

Bad touch. 

Agree? Disagree? Triggered AF? Here’s the whole conversation:

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Why No One Is Truly Opposed to Dumb COVID Rules

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A staffer holds up a sign to advise fans of the mandatory mask rule in the first half of an NCAA college basketball game between Tennessee and Colorado Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021, in Boulder, Colo. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Animals,

Let’s face it. We all work in customer service. If you sell car insurance, you better be ready to provide speedy payment to your clients when a tree falls onto their Prius.

And if you’re a doctor who wants to keep his patients, you’d better treat them with respect. That means short waiting room times and pretending that their questions (“Does this rash mean I have cancer”) aren’t as crazy as they sound.

Then there are professionals in 100% service-based industries like marketing, law, and — GASP – government. For them, customer service is arguably the most important part of the job.

In these industries, clients don’t really understand what you do for them, so appearing to be responsive, empathetic, and on-top of things is half the job.

Which brings us to Joe Biden’s COVID speech on Thursday, where he laid out his “Winter Plan” to stop COVID’s seasonal spike that happens whenever the weather gets cold.

President Biden speaks at the National Institutes of Health, Dec. 2, 2021, in Bethesda, Md. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Lurking in the background of Biden’s speech was the omicron variant, which some experts fear will bring new dangers to our shores.

The president proposed several interventions to dampen omicron and COVID’s winter spike, but if we’re being honest, his speech was really just a customer service exercise. It was President Joe Biden attempting to convince his clients – voters – that he’s responsive, empathetic, and on top of things.

As The Washington Post reported: “The president’s plan includes campaigns to increase vaccinations and booster shots, more stringent testing for international travelers and plans to make rapid at-home coronavirus testing free for more people.”

So basically… more of the same, plus an annoying COVID test if you travel internationally.

That doesn’t sound like much news at all.

(AP Photo/Alastair Grant)

By now, we know that COVID policies like mandatory masking and compulsory testing aren’t going to deliver great results, especially in an increasingly vaccinated America. Deep down, most of us probably agree that these policies are more about creating the appearance that our leaders are on top of things than actually yielding compelling public health benefits.

But is there another way for Joe Biden? Should he just sit in the White House and do nothing, as his critics in the Republican Party demand?

And would President Ron DeSantis or President Nikki Haley really act differently, if given the chance? Would they want to be on the hook personally for preventable death, even if it meant burdening Americans with dumb masking and testing rules that cut against their small government philosophy?

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (AP Photo/Chris O’Meara)

The national debate surrounding COVID boils down to risk. The president and many others believe that added COVID mandates, as onerous as they may be, are worth it because they’ll save lives. Critics see it the other way. They believe that continuing to disrupt American life is causing greater damage to the economy and the nation’s social fabric than whatever the public health benefits these mandates may hold.

Both arguments are true. And that’s why it stinks to be the president.

Joe Biden’s bully pulpit has enormous power when it comes to shaping the world’s opinion about any given issue. Unfortunately, the virus isn’t listening.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg.

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Queen Nicki Leaves No Crumbs After Hosting the RHOP Reunion| The Tea

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Plus, Kanye’s Heartbreak, Celebrity Illness shockers and Jen Shah’s legal woes just got worse.

On this episode of “The Tea” Ashley, Blake and Brie dive into celebrity illness and heartbreak. To share, or not to share, that is the question. 

Keep reading and watch the episode below for fresh takes on the latest entertainment and celebrity news shot live from the Erupt studio in Hollywood.

RIP Virgil Abloh

On Sunday November 28, the fashion and entertainment community lost designer and fashion visionary Virgil Abloh.

He was the first African American artistic director at Louis Vuitton and founded the renowned culture and streetwear brand Off-White.

Abloh kept his 2-year battle with cardiac angiosarcoma, a rare cancer of the heart, hidden from most. He was 41.

“The Tea” hosts discuss Abloh’s decision to keep his diagnosis a secret like some stars including Chadwick Boseman and Robin Williams, versus stars who choose to share their battles publicly, like Selma Blair and Christina Applegate.

(AP Photo/Thibault Camus)
(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Kanye Wants His Family Back

Kanye West, who was a close friend to Virgil Abloh, took to social media over the weekend expressing his intention to bring his family back together. Saying that doing so would influence millions of other families to reconcile too.

As reported in earlier episodes of The Tea, there is speculation Ye’s estranged wife, Kim Kardashian, is currently dating comedian Pete Davidson.

Could Kimye 2.0 be in our future? The Tea hosts discuss.

(AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Jen Shah’s Right-Hand Man Pleads Guilty

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star Jen Shah along with her personal assistant Stuart Smith were charged with fraud back in March.

Initially, Smith gave a not guilty plea but recently flipped his plea to guilty.

Shah still maintains her innocence.

(Bravo TV)

Nicki Hosts RHOP Reunion

Nicki Minaj took over Andy Cohen’s chair to host episode 4 of the Real Housewives of Potomac reunion and we are here for it!

Nicki didn’t hold back and asked all the questions we’ve been dying to know. On top of that, no housewife was spared. 

They all got the smoke-equally.

Could celebrity reunion hosts bring new life to the housewives’ franchise? 

The hosts discuss who we’d love to see host next.

Watch The Tea get spilled here:

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The Omicron “Scary-iant” & Football Funny Money | Political Drinking Games

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Animals,  

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year has just intersected with the most wonderful time of the week. 

By that I mean, it’s time to put a little Christmas spirit into Erupt’s political drinking games. 

On offer this week: 

  • The world has a new COVID variant. Congratulations, omicron! 
  • Twitter has a new CEO. Will he be as powerful as his predecessor, Jack Dorsey? 
  • CNN cancels Chris Cuomo (“suspends”) for using his anchorman powers to help embattled brother, Andrew 
  • The USA and EU cancel South Africa in COVID panic 
  • Trump’s top advisor sets a date with Congress to snitch on the Boss 
  • The NFL and College football continue to spend ridiculous amounts of money on truly ridiculous things.  
  • The term “Happy Holidays” gets put to rest. 

AND… A VERY SPECIAL GUEST JOINS: 

Curt Mills, contributing editor at The American Conservative and also a writer for Un-Herd. We’ll see how this silk-stocking Washington, D.C., columnist holds up in our chamber of pain.  

WATCH THIS WEEK’S POLITICAL DRINKING GAMES:

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg. 

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