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Joe Biden, Ted Cruz, and Big Bird Are This Week’s Top 3 Troublemakers

Phony controversies that get people fired up are a great way to mobilize Americans.

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Animals, 

As you are no doubt aware, phony controversies that get people fired up are a great way to mobilize Americans. 

This week is no exception.  

Here are the Top 3 (fake) news controversies in America. 

BIG BIRD IS SHILLING FOR PHARMA, WANTS TO VACCINATE YOUR KIDS 

Sesame Street has long been a cauldron for fierce public controversy. First, there was Big Bird’s imaginary friend, Snuffles, whose storyline, the show’s producers realized, might be contributing to child sex abuse.  

Then there were leading men Bert and Ernie, whose scenes in bed together led some activists to accuse Sesame Street’s creators of laundering gay propaganda in impressionable children’s minds. 

This week, Big Bird has stirred things up by using his talons to tweet about the COVID-19 vaccine: 

To which Texas Senator Ted Cruz responded: 

Now, I personally am not a big conspiracy theory guy. But it makes sense that a reptilian Senator like  Cruz would have a monkey on his back when it comes to more evolved species big-timing him on TV.  

But then again, Sen. Cruz does have a point.  

Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)

Would you take medical advice from Big Bird?  

Big Bird is honestly terrible at spelling and it takes him like 10 minutes to even get through the alphabet. If this type of IQ is your standard for medical advice, then I will happily charge you $50 to Google those weird red bumps on your inner thigh. 

So maybe instead of criticizing an imaginary flightless bird, Sen. Cruz should just point people towards the experts at the CDC and defer to what they have to say about vaccines. 

FEDERAL RESERVE CHAIRMAN JEROME POWELL IS NOT FULFILLING THE CENTRAL BANK’S OBLIGATION TO END GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE AND RACISM 

Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell testifies on Capitol Hill (Kevin Dietsch/AP)

One of the toughest and most boring jobs in the world is running the Federal Reserve, aka America’s central bank. It is a very boring job and you are constantly pissing rich people off by even implying that you might change the interest rates that they can collect on their piles of money. 

Another reason why it stinks to chair The Fed is its “Dual Mandate.”  

What is the Dual Mandate?  

Basically, when Congress cooked up The Fed, it gave it two jobs: 

  • Control inflation 
  • Make sure unemployment stays low 

The exact statutory language from The Federal Reserve Act of 1977 is to: 

“…Maintain long run growth of the monetary and credit aggregates commensurate with the economy’s long run potential to increase production, so as to promote effectively the goals of maximum employment, stable prices and moderate long-term interest rates.” 

But like all things in life, sometimes rubbing your belly comes at the expense of patting your head, and vice versa. It’s just not simple. 

And it is even more complicated when there is a woke mob standing outside your office demanding that you add two other mandates that are nowhere in the law: fighting climate change and doing racial justice stuff.  

Which brings us to the present.  

Progressive activists, led by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, are demanding that Joe Biden sack Powell when his term ends in February.  

Many of them are also demanding that President Biden appoint Lael Brainard his successor, in large part because she has said she’d add these two bonus mandates. 

Honestly, this is just amazing. Every time you think America has hit peak woke, they do a one-upper on you. 

The Federal Reserve is basically the national money printing press. 

On what planet do the goons who print dollar bills need to be in charge of social policy and the environment?  

Maybe this is all part of the grand game: demanding a progressive to succeed Powell as a bargaining chip for some other provision in Joe Biden’s second big spending bill (“Build Back Better”) that is currently pending in Congress.  

I mean, if the Central Bank needs to get woke, what comes next?  

WHERE’S THE BIF? 

Nancy Pelosi delivered President Biden a huge win last week by finally passing his Bipartisan Infrastructure Framework (BIF).  

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., talks to reporters after day of delays in the vote to advance President Biden’s domestic policy package, Friday, Nov. 5, 2021. (AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

Translation: after months, Biden’s big trillion-dollar public works bill is ready to be signed into law. 

The only problem? The President won’t sign it.  

Critics have been fast to pounce on Biden for delaying this allegedly “urgent” matter. It blindsided everyone, from D.C. insiders to D.C. degenerates who bet (legally) on the outcomes of these things.  

White House spokesperson Karine Jean-Pierre answered these concerns by explaining: 

“It’s urgent, but we also want to make sure that the people who spent the last couple of weeks, last couple of months just all in delivering on this — on this promise are here for the signing as well.” 

Translation: we need to nail the publicity, and that starts with a perfect photo op in the Oval Office. And President Biden can’t get that in right now, because Congress is in recess. Members of Congress are back in their home states meeting with constituents and catching up on sleep. 

So… 

Let’s dismiss another conspiracy theory while we’re at it. Biden does not have “applesauce for brains.” 

If he did, he’d sign BIF right away and then be caught flat-footed when Republicans ask, “Why isn’t Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) standing next to you? Is she hanging out with Mitch McConnell and Lisa Murkowski again?” 

No, she’s 2000 miles away in Arizona… but who has time for that kind of nuance? 

KEENDAWG.

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg

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Why No One Is Truly Opposed to Dumb COVID Rules

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A staffer holds up a sign to advise fans of the mandatory mask rule in the first half of an NCAA college basketball game between Tennessee and Colorado Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021, in Boulder, Colo. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Animals,

Let’s face it. We all work in customer service. If you sell car insurance, you better be ready to provide speedy payment to your clients when a tree falls onto their Prius.

And if you’re a doctor who wants to keep his patients, you’d better treat them with respect. That means short waiting room times and pretending that their questions (“Does this rash mean I have cancer”) aren’t as crazy as they sound.

Then there are professionals in 100% service-based industries like marketing, law, and — GASP – government. For them, customer service is arguably the most important part of the job.

In these industries, clients don’t really understand what you do for them, so appearing to be responsive, empathetic, and on-top of things is half the job.

Which brings us to Joe Biden’s COVID speech on Thursday, where he laid out his “Winter Plan” to stop COVID’s seasonal spike that happens whenever the weather gets cold.

President Biden speaks at the National Institutes of Health, Dec. 2, 2021, in Bethesda, Md. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Lurking in the background of Biden’s speech was the omicron variant, which some experts fear will bring new dangers to our shores.

The president proposed several interventions to dampen omicron and COVID’s winter spike, but if we’re being honest, his speech was really just a customer service exercise. It was President Joe Biden attempting to convince his clients – voters – that he’s responsive, empathetic, and on top of things.

As The Washington Post reported: “The president’s plan includes campaigns to increase vaccinations and booster shots, more stringent testing for international travelers and plans to make rapid at-home coronavirus testing free for more people.”

So basically… more of the same, plus an annoying COVID test if you travel internationally.

That doesn’t sound like much news at all.

(AP Photo/Alastair Grant)

By now, we know that COVID policies like mandatory masking and compulsory testing aren’t going to deliver great results, especially in an increasingly vaccinated America. Deep down, most of us probably agree that these policies are more about creating the appearance that our leaders are on top of things than actually yielding compelling public health benefits.

But is there another way for Joe Biden? Should he just sit in the White House and do nothing, as his critics in the Republican Party demand?

And would President Ron DeSantis or President Nikki Haley really act differently, if given the chance? Would they want to be on the hook personally for preventable death, even if it meant burdening Americans with dumb masking and testing rules that cut against their small government philosophy?

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (AP Photo/Chris O’Meara)

The national debate surrounding COVID boils down to risk. The president and many others believe that added COVID mandates, as onerous as they may be, are worth it because they’ll save lives. Critics see it the other way. They believe that continuing to disrupt American life is causing greater damage to the economy and the nation’s social fabric than whatever the public health benefits these mandates may hold.

Both arguments are true. And that’s why it stinks to be the president.

Joe Biden’s bully pulpit has enormous power when it comes to shaping the world’s opinion about any given issue. Unfortunately, the virus isn’t listening.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg.

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Queen Nicki Leaves No Crumbs After Hosting the RHOP Reunion| The Tea

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Plus, Kanye’s Heartbreak, Celebrity Illness shockers and Jen Shah’s legal woes just got worse.

On this episode of “The Tea” Ashley, Blake and Brie dive into celebrity illness and heartbreak. To share, or not to share, that is the question. 

Keep reading and watch the episode below for fresh takes on the latest entertainment and celebrity news shot live from the Erupt studio in Hollywood.

RIP Virgil Abloh

On Sunday November 28, the fashion and entertainment community lost designer and fashion visionary Virgil Abloh.

He was the first African American artistic director at Louis Vuitton and founded the renowned culture and streetwear brand Off-White.

Abloh kept his 2-year battle with cardiac angiosarcoma, a rare cancer of the heart, hidden from most. He was 41.

“The Tea” hosts discuss Abloh’s decision to keep his diagnosis a secret like some stars including Chadwick Boseman and Robin Williams, versus stars who choose to share their battles publicly, like Selma Blair and Christina Applegate.

(AP Photo/Thibault Camus)
(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Kanye Wants His Family Back

Kanye West, who was a close friend to Virgil Abloh, took to social media over the weekend expressing his intention to bring his family back together. Saying that doing so would influence millions of other families to reconcile too.

As reported in earlier episodes of The Tea, there is speculation Ye’s estranged wife, Kim Kardashian, is currently dating comedian Pete Davidson.

Could Kimye 2.0 be in our future? The Tea hosts discuss.

(AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Jen Shah’s Right-Hand Man Pleads Guilty

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star Jen Shah along with her personal assistant Stuart Smith were charged with fraud back in March.

Initially, Smith gave a not guilty plea but recently flipped his plea to guilty.

Shah still maintains her innocence.

(Bravo TV)

Nicki Hosts RHOP Reunion

Nicki Minaj took over Andy Cohen’s chair to host episode 4 of the Real Housewives of Potomac reunion and we are here for it!

Nicki didn’t hold back and asked all the questions we’ve been dying to know. On top of that, no housewife was spared. 

They all got the smoke-equally.

Could celebrity reunion hosts bring new life to the housewives’ franchise? 

The hosts discuss who we’d love to see host next.

Watch The Tea get spilled here:

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The Omicron “Scary-iant” & Football Funny Money | Political Drinking Games

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Animals,  

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year has just intersected with the most wonderful time of the week. 

By that I mean, it’s time to put a little Christmas spirit into Erupt’s political drinking games. 

On offer this week: 

  • The world has a new COVID variant. Congratulations, omicron! 
  • Twitter has a new CEO. Will he be as powerful as his predecessor, Jack Dorsey? 
  • CNN cancels Chris Cuomo (“suspends”) for using his anchorman powers to help embattled brother, Andrew 
  • The USA and EU cancel South Africa in COVID panic 
  • Trump’s top advisor sets a date with Congress to snitch on the Boss 
  • The NFL and College football continue to spend ridiculous amounts of money on truly ridiculous things.  
  • The term “Happy Holidays” gets put to rest. 

AND… A VERY SPECIAL GUEST JOINS: 

Curt Mills, contributing editor at The American Conservative and also a writer for Un-Herd. We’ll see how this silk-stocking Washington, D.C., columnist holds up in our chamber of pain.  

WATCH THIS WEEK’S POLITICAL DRINKING GAMES:

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg. 

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