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Good Touch/Bad Touch Joe Biden: Saving Christmas, Pulling Out, and Putting a Halt to All Your Bird Killings

What would life be without awkward videos of politicians trying to curry favor with their favorite voting blocks?

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It is that time of the week where we gather the brightest minds in all the kingdom to ask if Joe Biden’s latest moves in the White House are feeling like a good touch or a bad one.    

As you already know (unless you are an absolute bonehead), President Joe Biden is an extremely emotional guy who loves a hug, a cry, or a good old fashioned sniff of a stranger’s hair to make that human connection in Washington.   

Anyway, here’s where his hands have been this week on Capitol Hill: 

JOE BIDEN’S GENERALS PUT HIM ON BLAST FOR SLOPPY AFGHANISTAN CALL 

There’s a lot of he-said-she-said in Washington’s halls of power. This week, as President Biden’s top generals testified on Capitol Hill, the question was – who said it was a good idea to leave Afghanistan in the disastrous way that we did?  

On this, the accounts differ.  

But top Generals Miley and McKenzie made it clear to Congress that they had advised leaving 2,500 troops behind to avoid the sort of calamity we saw at Kabul’s airport 

Translation: Afghanistan was Joe Biden’s call. 

Tisk-tisk, Mr. President? Maybe not. 

As Americans, we should all be in favor of politicians telling the military to zip it.  

This is the nature of “civilian control,” which is the Constitutional mandate that requires the military to take its orders from civilians, and not the other way around. 

And if you’ve got a problem with that, then I suggest you visit the Congo, Myanmar, or Libya, where the military gets a lot of say in citizens’ daily life.  

Good touch. 

JOE BIDEN GETS A BOOSTER SHOT ON NATIONAL TV 

Pretty much no one knows whether or not it is a good idea for average Joes to get a vaccine booster shot.  

The FDA has said that old people and sick people should get their bonus jab.  

But at this point in the pandemic, we all know that  the experts are making it up as they go along. 

So it was in this confusing environment that President Biden opted to get his booster on national TV. 

Sure, the President is eligible under the FDA’s criteria.  

But is he sending a mixed message to the nation due to the fact that current science does not advise most of us to do the same?  

Uhhh… yeah. 

Bad touch, Joe Biden. 

JOE BIDEN RELEASES CRINGY VIDEO ABOUT HOW AWESOME HISPANIC CULTURE IS AND HOW HE IS TOTALLY DOWN TO BE ONE OF THE HOMBRES 

What would life be without awkward videos of politicians trying to curry favor with their favorite voting blocks and special interests? 

Was Joe Biden’s Hispanic heritage video totally cringe? Maybe… 

But come on, Animals. This is the game. 

And I for one do not want to live in a world where politicians refuse to play it. 

To live a full American life, we need Mitt Romney wearing Walmart flannel shirts around farmers.  

We need Donald Trump praying on a Bible he’s never read.  

And we need Biden tripping all over himself to look like some woke hardo who is down with every minority. 

Cringiness and phoniness are proven strategies for winning elections. 

Good touch. 

JOE BIDEN PLANS TO RE-OPEN THE USA TO EUROPEAN TOURISTS IN NOVEMBER 

This is great news for Miami and Las Vegas hotel owners, street vendors in New York selling knock-off Yankees caps, and people with family overseas. 

And it’s terrible news for the crowd that is double-vaxxed and still wearing N95s on their walk through the neighborhood park. 

Re-opening the USA to tourists feels like an acknowledgment from the Biden Administration that it’s time to move on with our lives.  

If this is true, then maybe the President will stop wearing a mask outdoors for photo opps too.  

On second thought, probably not. But on this policy, good touch all around. 

JOE BIDEN SAYS NO MORE KILLING BIRDS, EVEN BY ACCIDENT 

This one comes from the arcane and hilarious files of federal rulemaking. 

The Biden Administration is revisiting The Migratory Bird Treaty Act (this is a real law) to hold companies accountable for accidentally killing birds. 

TBH, I do not even know what this means.  

Does the Electric Company have to pay the taxman if a swan lands on the wrong power line?  

What happens when the Baby Stork collides with one of those windmills in Palm Springs? 

Usually, this type of stuff is a smaller peg in the bigger agenda: it delays construction and environmental degradation by giving activist lawyers the ability to sue companies for encroaching on mother nature.  

All of that gets bottled under the “climate change” banner. 

You thought Washington was an action-packed thriller where spy games and insider action bake the lawmaking cake? 

Haha. Nope.  

It’s mostly just nerds writing legal memos like this one. 

Bad touch. 

JOE BIDEN APPOINTS RANDOM GUY TO SAVE CHRISTMAS, FIX NATIONAL SUPPLY CHAIN CRISIS 

If you got really amped-up on amphetamines and looked off the California coast, you might panic and think that the Chinese were invading.  

That’s how many container ships are bobbing up-and-down on the ocean while they wait for a berth to unload their cargo.  

In your actual life, this is one of the biggest reasons why you can’t get anything at stores, and why the stuff that is on the shelves is so expensive.  

There’s just no supply of goods, because the goods are waiting in port.  

Now, as we near October, the problem is so severe that many retailers don’t think they’ll have enough merchandise for Christmas. 

And that’s why Joe Biden has appointed a special genius named John Porcuri to untangle this massive distribution knot.  

We wish him luck. 

Good touch.  

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Why No One Is Truly Opposed to Dumb COVID Rules

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A staffer holds up a sign to advise fans of the mandatory mask rule in the first half of an NCAA college basketball game between Tennessee and Colorado Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021, in Boulder, Colo. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Animals,

Let’s face it. We all work in customer service. If you sell car insurance, you better be ready to provide speedy payment to your clients when a tree falls onto their Prius.

And if you’re a doctor who wants to keep his patients, you’d better treat them with respect. That means short waiting room times and pretending that their questions (“Does this rash mean I have cancer”) aren’t as crazy as they sound.

Then there are professionals in 100% service-based industries like marketing, law, and — GASP – government. For them, customer service is arguably the most important part of the job.

In these industries, clients don’t really understand what you do for them, so appearing to be responsive, empathetic, and on-top of things is half the job.

Which brings us to Joe Biden’s COVID speech on Thursday, where he laid out his “Winter Plan” to stop COVID’s seasonal spike that happens whenever the weather gets cold.

President Biden speaks at the National Institutes of Health, Dec. 2, 2021, in Bethesda, Md. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Lurking in the background of Biden’s speech was the omicron variant, which some experts fear will bring new dangers to our shores.

The president proposed several interventions to dampen omicron and COVID’s winter spike, but if we’re being honest, his speech was really just a customer service exercise. It was President Joe Biden attempting to convince his clients – voters – that he’s responsive, empathetic, and on top of things.

As The Washington Post reported: “The president’s plan includes campaigns to increase vaccinations and booster shots, more stringent testing for international travelers and plans to make rapid at-home coronavirus testing free for more people.”

So basically… more of the same, plus an annoying COVID test if you travel internationally.

That doesn’t sound like much news at all.

(AP Photo/Alastair Grant)

By now, we know that COVID policies like mandatory masking and compulsory testing aren’t going to deliver great results, especially in an increasingly vaccinated America. Deep down, most of us probably agree that these policies are more about creating the appearance that our leaders are on top of things than actually yielding compelling public health benefits.

But is there another way for Joe Biden? Should he just sit in the White House and do nothing, as his critics in the Republican Party demand?

And would President Ron DeSantis or President Nikki Haley really act differently, if given the chance? Would they want to be on the hook personally for preventable death, even if it meant burdening Americans with dumb masking and testing rules that cut against their small government philosophy?

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (AP Photo/Chris O’Meara)

The national debate surrounding COVID boils down to risk. The president and many others believe that added COVID mandates, as onerous as they may be, are worth it because they’ll save lives. Critics see it the other way. They believe that continuing to disrupt American life is causing greater damage to the economy and the nation’s social fabric than whatever the public health benefits these mandates may hold.

Both arguments are true. And that’s why it stinks to be the president.

Joe Biden’s bully pulpit has enormous power when it comes to shaping the world’s opinion about any given issue. Unfortunately, the virus isn’t listening.

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg.

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Queen Nicki Leaves No Crumbs After Hosting the RHOP Reunion| The Tea

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Plus, Kanye’s Heartbreak, Celebrity Illness shockers and Jen Shah’s legal woes just got worse.

On this episode of “The Tea” Ashley, Blake and Brie dive into celebrity illness and heartbreak. To share, or not to share, that is the question. 

Keep reading and watch the episode below for fresh takes on the latest entertainment and celebrity news shot live from the Erupt studio in Hollywood.

RIP Virgil Abloh

On Sunday November 28, the fashion and entertainment community lost designer and fashion visionary Virgil Abloh.

He was the first African American artistic director at Louis Vuitton and founded the renowned culture and streetwear brand Off-White.

Abloh kept his 2-year battle with cardiac angiosarcoma, a rare cancer of the heart, hidden from most. He was 41.

“The Tea” hosts discuss Abloh’s decision to keep his diagnosis a secret like some stars including Chadwick Boseman and Robin Williams, versus stars who choose to share their battles publicly, like Selma Blair and Christina Applegate.

(AP Photo/Thibault Camus)
(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Kanye Wants His Family Back

Kanye West, who was a close friend to Virgil Abloh, took to social media over the weekend expressing his intention to bring his family back together. Saying that doing so would influence millions of other families to reconcile too.

As reported in earlier episodes of The Tea, there is speculation Ye’s estranged wife, Kim Kardashian, is currently dating comedian Pete Davidson.

Could Kimye 2.0 be in our future? The Tea hosts discuss.

(AP Photo/Rick Bowmer)

Jen Shah’s Right-Hand Man Pleads Guilty

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star Jen Shah along with her personal assistant Stuart Smith were charged with fraud back in March.

Initially, Smith gave a not guilty plea but recently flipped his plea to guilty.

Shah still maintains her innocence.

(Bravo TV)

Nicki Hosts RHOP Reunion

Nicki Minaj took over Andy Cohen’s chair to host episode 4 of the Real Housewives of Potomac reunion and we are here for it!

Nicki didn’t hold back and asked all the questions we’ve been dying to know. On top of that, no housewife was spared. 

They all got the smoke-equally.

Could celebrity reunion hosts bring new life to the housewives’ franchise? 

The hosts discuss who we’d love to see host next.

Watch The Tea get spilled here:

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The Omicron “Scary-iant” & Football Funny Money | Political Drinking Games

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Animals,  

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year has just intersected with the most wonderful time of the week. 

By that I mean, it’s time to put a little Christmas spirit into Erupt’s political drinking games. 

On offer this week: 

  • The world has a new COVID variant. Congratulations, omicron! 
  • Twitter has a new CEO. Will he be as powerful as his predecessor, Jack Dorsey? 
  • CNN cancels Chris Cuomo (“suspends”) for using his anchorman powers to help embattled brother, Andrew 
  • The USA and EU cancel South Africa in COVID panic 
  • Trump’s top advisor sets a date with Congress to snitch on the Boss 
  • The NFL and College football continue to spend ridiculous amounts of money on truly ridiculous things.  
  • The term “Happy Holidays” gets put to rest. 

AND… A VERY SPECIAL GUEST JOINS: 

Curt Mills, contributing editor at The American Conservative and also a writer for Un-Herd. We’ll see how this silk-stocking Washington, D.C., columnist holds up in our chamber of pain.  

WATCH THIS WEEK’S POLITICAL DRINKING GAMES:

Alex “Keendawg” Keeney is a media personality whose work has been published widely. He has worked as a Congressional aide, TV writer, and marketing executive for the real Wolf of Wall Street. Follow him on Twitter @keendawg. 

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