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Do You Know Your Relationship Attachment Style?

Discovering it could help your relationship in countless ways

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Early emotional bonds between a child and its parent or caregiver is of the utmost importance in the attachment theory concept. In this theory, it is believed that the emotional support a child receives from their caregiver will reflect in the child’s adult relationships. 

Attachment styles can impact everything from the partners we choose to how we behave in relationships to the way those relationships may or may not progress.

I spoke to relationship coach Amanda Blair about attachment theory and its correlating relationship attachment styles to better understand why we do what we do.

“In times of distress, our critical mind gets knocked into a hypnosis and we don’t realize it. We are now in that subconscious and that subconscious is pulling from our patterns to know what to do next.”

The focus of Blair’s relationship work is figuring out what emotional patterns we bring from childhood and learning to reprogram ourselves to be more emotionally secure.

The 4 main attachment styles were established from the work of British psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950’s. They are as follows:

  • Anxious Attachment: Stems from a childhood where caregivers were inconsistently attuned to the needs of the child. Inconsistent attunement creates anxiety in the child, Blair says. They are hypervigilant to any sort of threat. There is a conscious fear of abandonment and a subconscious fear of intimacy due of lack of trust. As adults they go into relationships with that same kind of anxiety and fear.
  • Avoidance Attachment: Caregivers were neglectful. Either the parent put their emotion on the child, or the parent was emotionally unavailable, so the child wasn’t getting their emotional needs met. The child learned to shut down and suppress to self soothe, Blair says. There is a conscious fear of intimacy, and a subconscious fear of abandonment. As adults, intimacy feels unsafe and stressful, so when intimacy comes they retreat and suppress.
  • Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Stems from having abuse or neglect in childhood. Typically comes from a traumatic home, which makes its hard to self-regulate. Relationships in general are difficult because there is so much fear and so much lack of trust. There is a deep fear of intimacy.
  • Secure Attachment: Caregivers were consistently attuned to the child and meeting their needs so that the child learned how to trust and develop trust in themselves. They bring these skills into their adult relationships. They trust intimacy, they trust their partners and they trust themselves. As adults they have an easier time with relationships.

The beautiful thing about attachment theory is that it’s not fixed. You can work towards being secure in a relationship or on your own. 

Awareness is a great way to start.

“We don’t need perfection from our partner, we just need someone who is aware and willing to step up and do their work. So, if that’s happening, it will help the relationship tremendously.”

Watch my full interview with Amanda Blair on IGTV below.

Ashley Dior Jones is host and writer for Erupt News covering Current Events, Health and Wellness, Fashion and Entertainment.

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Health

“Suffocate Yourself with Goodness”

What a young man with a rare disease learned about fighting adversity.

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Is there a way to measure the success factors of optimism? Anyone facing adversity has most likely been told it’s all about outlook. Many may question whether or not optimism is as effective as society has led us to believe. Thankfully, Elijah Stacy is here to prove the power of optimism.

At a young age, Elijah Stacy was diagnosed with a rare form of muscular dystrophy called Duchenne. Duchenne is a a muscle wasting disease effecting under 200,00 Americans every year. Historically, nearly all young men hosting the disease did not survive into their 20s.

Now at the age of 20, Stacy has become an advocate for combating the disease and has published a book about his story, A Small If: The Inspiring Story of a 17-Year-Old with a Fatal Disease—and a Mission to Cure It.

Stacy did not write the book only for those fighting rare diseases.

He wrote the book for anyone facing adversity, from teenagers struggling through adolescence to those being bullied for being different to anyone interested in medicine, motivation and hope.

At the center of A Small If are 13 lessons Stacy believes are imperative for anyone looking for a new sense of empowerment.

Some of the lessons are relatively straightforward— “adapt” and “stay ambitious.”

Others are more complex, such as “connect the dots later” and the “dichotomy of control.”

Stacy points to lesson 13—“prioritize your character”—as one of the more difficult to learn.

“The only way to really build your character is to go through challenges. That’s how you exercise your virtue. What I argue is that character is the sum total of all your virtues. That’s hard to learn.”

Stacy’s life has been filled to the brim with challenges.

Stacy was diagnosed with Duchenne around the age of five. A decade later, he faced the difficult decision either to undergo spinal surgery or attempt to correct his resulting scoliosis through physical therapy. When asked if physical therapy could solve his spinal issues, his doctor gave him “a small if.” That moment is where his book’s title comes from.

Since his wise decision to pursue physical therapy rather than surgery, optimism has played a vital role in Stacy’s journey.

 “Suffocate yourself with goodness,” he advises.

It’s a phrase that leaves me nodding my head, impressed with the young man’s dedication to pursuing the fullest life possible.

It would have been easy for Stacy to give up at multiple points in his journey. Both of his brothers also carry the disease, one of whom recently passed away. Like most forms of muscular dystrophy, Duchenne takes a tremendous toll on one’s body and has resulted in years of physical trauma for the author, who moves through life in a wheelchair. He is unafraid to discuss the disabilities caused by his disease but is quick to remind that he is never defined by it.

Most importantly, he believes a cure is imminent and that one day he will be free of Duchenne. Until then, A Small If and his daily life are proof of optimism’s power.

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Current Events

France is Banning Plastic Packaging for Fruits and Vegtables

This law could help eliminate over one billion single-use plastic items per year.

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France will ban the use of plastic packaging for numerous fruits and vegetables starting January of 2022.

The French Ministry of Environment says this new law is an effort to reduce the country’s plastic waste.

The French Ministry of Agriculture and Food reports that 37 percent of the country’s fruits and vegetables are currently sold with plastic packaging and this law could help get rid of around one billion single-use plastic packaging items per year.

This new law is one part of the government’s multi-year program to phase out plastics. The plan also includes efforts to reduce the use of plastic straws, cups, cutlery, Styrofoam to-go boxes, and even plastic toys children receive from fast food restaurants.

The phaseout is expected to be completed by 2026.

See my TikTok video here

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Business

Delta 8 THC- What’s Behind the Suddenly Very Available but Questionable Products?

“It is a significant, real world public health risk for patients who think these products are as safe and effective as natural cannabis”

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AP Photo/Silvia Izquierdo, File

The hemp boom is over, and now we’re seeing the results of an industry chasing profit margins.

“The industry is rolling into a green rush derivative,” explains pharmacologist and neuroscientist, Dr. Greg Gerdeman. He wants to educate the public on cannabis, especially when it comes to the latest fads. For instance, products containing Delta-8 THC have become popular, especially in states where cannabis is still prohibited. Delta-8′ s legality is a bit murky because its a synthetic compound, something Dr. Gerdeman says is a misdirection from the promises of both cannabis flower and industrial hemp.

In our recent conversation on the Erupt app, Gerdeman talked about Delta-8, reminding us that “D-8” is not a specific strain.

“Delta-8 flower is hemp flower that’s been sprayed with synthetic D-8, that’s what D-8 flower is.”

“D-8 occurs in very low concentrations in cannabis plants, as far as has been discovered to date,” says Gerdeman. None of it is being extracted directly, it’s being converted from something else in a synthetic process, and there’s no D-8 producing strains. Any flower you get that’s sold as D-8 flower is hemp that was sprayed with D-8 that was made in somebody’s lab.”

Gerdeman compared the current D-8 craze to the CBD boom of the past few years. There was a massive amount of CBD produced in 2019 after the farming of hemp became legal.

A farm field near Sisters, Oregon is readied for another hemp crop (AP Photo/Don Ryan)

“Farmers were promised the moon as though they were gonna make tens of thousands of dollars per acre growing CBD, and it was a false premise,” Gerdeman says.

Due to a skyrocketing hemp supply, with little infrastructure to turn the newly-legal crop around, the industry took a nose-dive, and experts say it could take years for the hemp market to mature.

In the meantime, all the extra hemp that was produced without a market to buy it, is being cooked and boiled into CBD products.

“It is a significant, real world public health risk for patients who think these products are as safe and effective as natural cannabis,” said Dr. Gerdeman.

You can watch our full conversation below and on the Erupt app.

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